Maybe testing isn't for me

It seems like every 3 or 4 months I find myself questioning whether testing is really for me.

I consider myself an enthusiastic tester, and I'm always striving to be better at it. (That's what this blog is mostly about, after all.)  
But I'm not sure that I offer what testing needs. Maybe it's an unrequited attraction.

I've been learning testing for a number of years now across a couple of roles but I've yet to find it as fulfilling and enjoyable as I think it can be. Is that because the roles haven't been quite right for me?

It sometimes seems there's an interesting and rewarding testing world that I might hear about on Twitter, but day-to-day testing can be frustrating or boring.

If you're not already in that other world - not already exposed to the "right" technologies and techniques, or at least supported in learning them - then it seems hard to reach it.

I admit I'm picky about the kind of products/industries I want to work with, and about how much I'm prepared to commute. And nor am I looking to be an SDET. So, of course, all of this limits my options.

But even so, in an unscientific sample look at tester job ads on LinkedIn I don't recognise myself:

- either they emphasise test scripts, documentation and following set processes. (And if that's testing then I definitely would prefer to do something else.)
- or they emphasise skills and experience in specific areas (usually tools) that I either haven't used, or don't feel confident I can offer to a good enough level when my knowledge is mostly from self-study.

"It's not you, it's me"

Increasingly, though, I think that wordings in job ads aren't the problem. Rather, the key part of the previous paragraph is the acknowledgment that I "don't feel confident" - arising from uncertainty of my own value as a tester.

When Katrina Clokie tweeted the testing community with the simple question "How do you know you're a good tester?", I had to respond "I don't".

Gaining Confidence
Of course, personality is a factor here - I'm not a particularly confident or extrovert person generally. But that just means I might have to work a bit harder at it than others. That's ok.

It's all very well having a groaning Trello backlog for learning. Maybe I need to put some of that effort into a strategy for understanding my value as a tester, and not base that value mostly on being able to conquer a huge "to learn" list.

So how can I actually find the confidence, or at least the perspective, that my roles up to now and my continuous learning process aren't giving me? Some initial ideas are:

- Wider "experience"?
I've only worked in limited, and perhaps not typical, testing contexts. Can I find more resources like the upcoming New Voice Media webinar which give insight into the realities of being a tester in a spectrum of organisations?

- Find a mentor?

Some short-term mentoring could be a good way to get feedback on what I do, or don't, have to offer.  

- Talk it through?
Simply initiate conversations with other testers, or with hiring managers, to gain a picture of the wider "market" and how I compare to it?

Definitely some things to work on here.